Transcript

0:00
This episode is about dealing with criticism. Welcome to the Christian point was Zack and Linda, I always love getting to do this with you each week, honey. I’m really super excited about this episode. And this is going to be really important podcast, we’re going to be talking about criticism. And today I’m with my husband, Zack McConnell, and we’re here in Texas and the sun is shining, and it’s wonderful, sunny skies outside. It is so hard to stay inside right now. So we’ll be right back with this great episode of the Christian point.

0:36
Welcome to the Christian point podcast, where we are all about growing your relationship with God. As lifelong Christian believers, your hosts Zach and Linda McConnell explore topics that affect your world. Together, they are relearning and redirecting our path as we walk through struggles hang ups, sins and purpose. V. Christian point is a lively discussion that will help equip you with tools provide focus and encouragement from a biblical perspective. Always remember Christ is the point. Now here are your hosts, Zach and Linda.

1:12
Welcome to the Christian point. Thank you for listening today. We really appreciate you guys. We look at God’s word, and we take today’s hot topics, and we weigh them against the Bible. So we’re excited about this episode. And today, we’re going to be talking about how we deal with criticism. Okay, so we’re going to talk about how we can react better to criticism, whether it’s from others, although sometimes people criticize themselves and really taught back negative thoughts. And they’re their biggest enemy. But we’re going to be talking about maybe if you have someone at work your boss, and that person is really critical. Or maybe it’s your friends, believe it or not, some people have friends around that are critical all the time. Or you guys maybe you’re thinking of your parents or your brothers or sisters.

2:04
Oh, yeah, that never happens here. Right? Absolutely.

2:08
I know, maybe you’ve got family members that are super critical. I know there’s a lot of people that have family members, and then they become a Christian, and the family member super critical of them. And maybe it’s even a husband or a wife. And because the husband is just so critical that the wife became a Christian. And I mean, at first Peter three, First Peter three, you have a wife, who the husband doesn’t obey the word. So I doubt that he’s probably super, super encouraging to her. And he’s probably criticizes her a lot. And we’re going to talk about that today. So if I were to ask you, Zack, how do you deal with criticism? What would be the first thing that comes to your mind?

2:56
Well, you know, I’ve got to think about what’s being said, Is there any validity to the statement? Is it unwarranted? Is it good criticism, bad criticism? Did I actually do that? Should I actually improve? And it reminds me of a story in high school. It was my freshman year, and our football team. We had some coaches that probably due football pretty technically well, but the way they handled us and the criticism and how it was delivered, was just very defeating. In fact, I remember my freshman year, our varsity team, I think we were next to last in District, Oh, wow. You could never do anything, right. Everything was wrong. That way you watch the way you listen, the way you drove off the ball. It just, there was nothing we could do. Right. And we were constantly being told that. I compare that freshman year to the three years that followed it, it was a stark difference, because we had a new set of coaches that came in that I really loved and rarely respected. In fact, they may be of a much better football player. And I think anybody that played in our high school will probably know that they held us very accountable. They they would tell us what we did wrong, but it was good criticism, things we could do better at right. And as those following three years went on, they would constantly catch us doing things right. Awesome. I remember we had this big fullback and one of the very first practices we had with this new set of coaches. Our Head Coach ran up to him after a play was ran, grabbed him by the shoulder pads and shook him and said, way to go baby way to go. Right. He was in so all of a sudden we wanted to do things right because we were getting rewarded with good criticism and good encouragement. And we went on from a next the last team in district two by district champs, my sophomore year. Quarterfinal champs my senior year. And semifinalist, my senior year, so that’s huge. Yeah, it was just what a difference they made with constructive criticism. And given the way they helped us to grow, not to tear us down. And sometimes we need to think not only about what we’re saying, but how it’s being said,

5:18
absolutely. I remember you telling that story that that has really stuck with you through your life. And I have a very similar situation for me in high school, I was on the dance team or high kick team, whatever you want to call it. And pretty much the same deal, our dance team director, she would get out there. And if we made a mistake, oh, she would yell at us sometimes. And then we’d have to keep doing the routine. Telde perfection. And wow, we were in a hot gym in San Antonio, Texas. There was no air conditioning in the summer. And at the end of the day, doing it again and again. And again. We were just absolutely exhausted. And that was not fun. But when you think about it, it made our endurance grow each day. And it was really amazing what we were able to accomplish eventually, as our endurance grew, and we got a lot of great scores a competition. And I appreciated that later on. And yeah, because I understood it was from a place of discipline. So yeah, you need to really consider what’s being said,

6:21
you know, one of the things you said that made me I kind of had this random thought about high school labels, football players, cheerleaders, they’re considered cool, right? Yeah. But I was also a band geek. Yeah. And isn’t it funny that in high school, if you’re in like drama, or you’re an actor, or you’re in the band, people somehow in high school, they think that’s not so cool. Yeah. But you know, but once you get out of high school, and when you’re an adult, if you’re an actor, or a musician, that’s one of the coolest things you can be right. Absolutely. Yeah. And so in high school, you need to stick with those things. Because as soon as you get out of high school, you’re super cool. People love it. You play an instrument, you know, I could still read music. But can I run a seven minute mile? No way.

7:08
Exactly. Well, that discipline really stuck with me. I didn’t lose that. I just have gotten older.

7:14
Yeah. You know, it’s, it’s something like you meet somebody in their 30s. And it’s like, well, what do you do? Oh, well, I play basketball. Okay, great. You’re in the NBA? No, who cares? Absolutely. Most of my friends have no idea. I was to time district center in football. I mean, who cares?

7:32
Right? Okay, Zack, but how do you what do you think about criticism? What are some of your approaches to it? And let’s say someone’s critical of you. And you know, how would you handle it?

7:44
I mean, you know, I haven’t been yelled at much. But I went on to Google. And it says, criticism, is the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults, or mistakes. And I think one thing in life I didn’t see coming is whatever decision you make big or small, someone’s going to have something to say. And I guess that’s the one thing I’ve learned is that if we’re gonna, we’re going to talk about this today. It’s, it’s how you respond. It is so important. And you can do it the right way. Or you can do it the wrong way.

8:18
Absolutely. It’s funny, you talk about getting used to criticism. So when you get used to criticism after a while, you realize someone’s always going to be upset with everything you do at some point of time, especially if you do anything when you put yourself out there before other people. So after a while, you just kind of get used to criticism, and you start just brushing it off, and you realize most of it doesn’t really have credibility. But if it does, you know, it’s about how the way you respond to the criticism. And I look at Proverbs 15, verse one, and it says, A gentle answer to flex anger, but harsh words, makes tempers flare. And then also proverbs 1515 says, all the days of the afflicted are bad. But a glad heart has a continual feast. regardless of the circumstances.

9:13
It’s just what you said, you brought up it, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up that anchor, which refers to the tongue of the wise, who uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pour forth foolishness. So basically, sometimes you’re going to receive criticism, there’s two ways that you can respond. You can respond back softly, or you can respond back trying to win the battle. Yeah, when what happens, you know, and that’s just pouring gasoline on the fire. And that’s, that’s my problem is, I just want to win. And I’ve got to get out of that mindset. You know, there’s so many passages in Proverbs like, Proverbs 2911 It says a fool Vince anger all over Sybian but a wise man quietly holds them back. And there’s some times that in life when someone’s just going to criticize you, and you’re gonna want to just vent. Yeah, the Bible says a fool Vince’s feelings, but a wise man holds them back. Sometime it’s better to say I’m just bite my tongue. I’m going to go off to my own place, I’m probably going to go pray about it. Right and just let it go. You know, one of my favorite verses, Proverbs 1728. It says, Even fools who keep silent are considered wise. Right? When he closes his lips. He’s deemed intelligent. So when you hold it back, you’re smarter.

10:40
Absolutely. There’s a quote from Abraham Lincoln. And he was wise indeed. It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. Well, I don’t think that’s in Proverbs, but it’s similar to that. And yet, there’s probably where he got his inspiration for the quote. It’s like a modern day proverb. At least, you’ll hear a lot of these modern day wisdom saying that are all pretty wise. And you then you go back, and you read through Proverbs, and you’ll be like, Hmm, I can see where that came from.

11:14
Yeah, I do see where that came from. Well, there’s moments in our life when up called you, because they all have gotten frustrated. It’s, it’s like there’s a righteous anger. And I mean, it’s, it’s a strong emotion, right? And I just want to use it. But I’ll call you because I need to vent. And you just talked me down, he talked me out of it. And then maybe I will, or maybe I won’t respond to the certain situation in its in another way, because it’s like, I’ve talked to my Christian ally, in friend event, instead of just lashing back to the source of where it came from,

11:51
right? Well, Jesus flipped over tables. And Jesus drove out people with a whip. And that is righteous anger. And you know, that, like you said, there’s a time when you get angry, and the Bible says, Be angry and don’t sin, you can be angry about something, but don’t let that drive you into sin. So you knows that calling me and saying, Hey, I need to bet that’s much better venting to a private Christian friend than venting publicly or on your Facebook wall, or your Instagram wall, you know, much. So I remember this guy, once he called it relational equity. And I was like, Well, what does that mean? And I thought about it, okay. He’s basically saying you only have this with certain people. So much relational equity. It’s like you build in house value. And same thing in relationships. It’s like, it makes me think of the love language thing, like you’re putting money into the love bank. And so be careful how you use that. And you can waste a lot of points by going off on rants, especially publicly. And then later, you try to reach out to that person. And there’s like, I’m not going to listen to this person, you know, what he’s posted last week, and well, wow, now they’re in a crisis. So just be careful the way you look at things publicly. And some one of the things you can do to try to help yourself have the right attitude is to try to think about that person, not just what they said, but where they’re coming from in life, like where they’re at. And yep, it’d be the case that there’s something going on in that person’s life. And what they did was wrong. But can you have some understanding as to how they got to that point? And then respond appropriately? Absolutely. And instead of taking it to a 10, and where they’re at right now, you can try to take them back down to a five, and you can address the criticism if it’s negative. And if it’s not fair, but don’t blow up.

14:00
Yeah, Linda, you’re really good at that. Sometimes somebody will just be really rude. And I’m going through a drive thru and I say, Hey, how are you doing today? And the employee says, I’m fine. And I’m like, All right. Well, you get the employee of the month, right? Exactly. In my life with Linda will be like, you never know what they’re going through. Hon. And, you know, so it’s exactly shame on me. You’re right, Linda, you never know what someone else is going through you. I remember a wise old man telling me if you could stand around a PAC stadium, in every person there. You knew their deepest and darkest problems in that stadium. And you see those problems. You’d be like, yeah, give me give me mine back. Why? Yeah. So sometimes we forget that other people are going through stuff, you know, probably pretty bad things. Don’t go by someone’s Facebook page or Instagram or whatever. You know, you post these beautiful photos of you just being so happy, but normally you post your highlight reel. Yeah, social media, you don’t post what you’re really feeling.

15:04
Absolutely. But what you said reminds me a second Corinthians one, three, verse four, we start in verse three, Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles. So that we can comfort those who are in trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God. And it’s like, we know we’re getting taken care of by God, and were loved by God. And even if that person deserves it, it’d be wrong to respond that way. And I can love them out of the love that I don’t even deserve. So I can give them the best love that I’m getting, and give that to them. And the best love that I have, and that’s responding in a good way.

15:56
Yes, we need to be patient like God. Right. And I think about a biblical examples dealing with criticism, and there’s one from the book of nibh Nia, Nehemiah four, and there’s one from the book of Nehemiah four. And so you’re wondering what the context of busyness and Ezra, Nehemiah, they’ve come out of Egypt and they go into the Promised Land, but the kingdom split. You’ve got the northern kingdom in the southern kingdoms. The northern kingdom goes into captivity in a Syria, okay, so later in 606 BC, never connected Nebuchadnezzar in the Babylonians come and attack Judah, the southern kingdom, so they go into the Babylonian captivity and when Persia takes over Babylon, 70 years later, the southern kingdom comes out of Babylon, and they go back to the land, and so they decided we’re going to rebuild this wall. Okay, and so that’s where Nehemiah picks up. So Nehemiah chapter four, so it happens when Sanballat heard that they were rebuilding the wall, he was furious, he was mad, he mocked the Jews he spoke before his brothers with the army of Sumerian said, What are these feeble G’s doing? Will they be fortifying themselves will be offering sacrifice will they complete the wall in a day? Right? They revive the stones from the heaps of rubbish and the stones that are burned. This is the stones that were destroyed. When Nebuchadnezzar back in Babylon destroy Jerusalem. Now to buy a verse three, the Ammonite was beside him and said, whatever they build, even if a fox goes up it, it’ll break down their stone wall. A foxholes breakdown stone wall, right, right. Yeah, that’s a cheap wall. So they’re insulting these people. Look at how they respond to those. So they’re criticizing them. They’re trying to destroy their work, which is what Satan wants. He wants to distract Christians from our work, right? And for us to quit working. But look at the verse six, they built the wall, verse nine, nevertheless, this is the key, we made our prayer to God. So they prayed to God, they set a watch against them day and night. So they can basically said, they prayed to God. And then they said, though, the watch against the wall. And now they get to work. I heard a quote once, and maybe it was based off this, it said, Pray, like everything depends on God, and work, let everything like everything depends on you. Obviously, I know, it doesn’t depend on me. But you know, whatever God’s said, You’re gonna provide food, obviously, he expects you to work, and to do it, to give me your best, yet, give me your best. And you’ll keep reading through chapter four. And basically, they’re saying they’re going to treat them and they’re going to attack them and kill them. Verse 11, and 12. And then it basically says in verse 13, I positioned men on the lower parts of the wall at the openings. I set the people according to their families with swords and spears, and their bows, and basically said, Don’t be afraid of them. Remember, the Lord gave his great an awesome fight for your brother and son and your daughters, in your wives in your houses. And then in verse fees, 15, they returned to the wall to do their work. So they say, you’re going to discourage us, but we’re going to keep working. Yeah. We’re praying to God, and we’re working. And then they said, We’re going to attack you. And they said, that’s fine. We have our weapons, bring it on, but we’re gonna keep working. Right, right. That’s the real attitude we should have about criticism. You can go read all Nehemiah chapter four. And if you want to get that full story, but when the people criticize us, we need number one, to pray to God in number two, keep working Write, don’t let it discourage you, especially if criticism is trying to discourage discourage you from doing God’s work.

20:07
Absolutely. And it’s so easy to get discouraged. And I guess that’s why it’s important to know your worth in God’s eyes, and to also be reading God’s word. And you know, you don’t have to be perfect. I’m still learning that every day, but at least know your worth. So when somebody whether they mean it or not, says something that does hurt your feelings, or, you know, maybe it comes off the wrong way. You know what the truth says, and you can still rest at night with the hope and Jesus Christ.

20:39
I mean, that’s, you know, it’s like, where your value comes from? Your value is whatever they appraise you to be, or is it something coming from your study of the Bible? Right, in knowing what God has appraised you to be?

20:53
Right. Yeah, I’m thinking self esteem. And I mean, who cares? If the most popular person on the planet or let’s say, at your high school, whatever, let’s say the main girls at your high school make fun of you? And you’re like, Yeah, well, that’s really cool. Whatever. And but you think of yourself on the head cheerleader, and I have God on my side. Yeah. I mean, what did she create, but God created the entire universe. So if you know your self esteem, you shouldn’t have to worry about what that looks like. And look at Jesus. I mean, did Jesus deal with criticism when He was on earth? Absolutely. And the people that should have accepted Him the easiest, were the ones who gave him the most problems. When I look at Luke 626. It’s a passage that comes to mind and what sorrow awaits you, who are praised by the crowds, for their ancestors praised false prophets. Woe to you, when all men speak well of you. Why? I mean, basically, if you’re a Christian, and you’re living a right Christian life, you’re going to encounter criticism, and you’re going to get into difficulty, and not the constructive kind, the kind that criticizes you just for being a Christian.

22:16
Yeah, that reminds me of James 119. And this one’s hard to sink in. But the love that the Bible gives you a lot of wisdom, and that you can apply it to anything. Let’s go to James 119. So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear slow to speak, slow to anger, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. So you know, if you’re slow to speak, you’re slow to wrath, right? Like sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, when I should have kept it on the ground. And you know, just be quiet. And then I think about it, and then I respond quietly, instead of just acting to get the first emotion that comes up. Which reminds me of an incident that happened just this weekend watching the Academy Awards. Oh, wow. Yeah, Will Smith slaps Chris Rock out of huge emotion and anger. But Chris Rock’s response was Wow. had just got slapped. Right. He composed himself and went on. to lash out. He didn’t get anger, angry. In he didn’t

23:24
even file charges. No, he didn’t write what’s a lot of people are surprised about, yeah, that’s something that my mom taught me if I had something that happened today, sleep on it before I respond. And I tried to do that. And you know, even recently, there have been people that have made false accusations about us. And so it’s like, Okay, I’m going to sleep on it. And then I’ll talk to you tomorrow, and pause before you deal with it. And you want to get that emotion out of you as much as you can. Because sometimes emotions will cause you to literally get angry, and that chemical that causes anger that can make you crazy.

24:05
And try so it’s a good idea to do it. Anyway, if you learn to suppress that immediate reaction. There may be some valid point to the criticism says I’m sure proverbs 1531 says, if you listen to constructive criticism, you’ll be at home among the wise. Yeah, there’s so there’s something to consider. If it’s constructive criticism, it might have something to it. So you know, consider it. Consider the reproof dwell on it, and then address it, like you said, maybe the next day if that’s what it takes,

24:37
right? Well, in Proverbs, you really notice a pattern. Proverbs is a book of practical wisdom. And proverbs 27 Verse 17, iron sharpens iron, and you know, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. And yeah, that can go different ways. But you know, sometimes criticism is the point at which we can Help Improve one another? And yeah, I mean, do you think that Paul ever dealt with criticism?

25:06
Sure, you know, read first in Second Corinthians, I mean, he talks about and addresses criticism, if you don’t know the context of Second Corinthians, but a lot of what he’s dealing with are these false teachers. So Paul dealt with lots of different criticism. And it was a lot of times when these people who had basically been converted, but there are a lot of these people that he taught, and they became Christians. And then these false teachers came in and try to start dragging them away. So we’d have to deal with this criticism a lot. And we should have some level of mercy when we’re dealing with our critics, because we don’t have the same knowledge of the citizens situation. There’s also an idea that we should consider the Chris’s criticism, and be gentle in our responses. But sometimes it’s not sometimes it’s negative thing, or it’s going on for a while. And that may bring into a play something more like Galatians six, one, right? There may be a situation where somebody has just fallen into this pattern of lie, where they’re cynical constantly. And what I’m going to say is, you know, a lot of times criticism, and I really think that we’re dealing with this, in this episode is more negative criticism. Because constructive criticism, we’ve covered a lot already. But we need to talk about this, how to love your enemies. You’ve heard it said, Love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say to you love your enemies. This is Matthew 543. Bless those who curse you do good to those who hate you pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven. We’re going to read the rest of that particular scripture in later in the paragraph. But look back in Matthew 511 Blissett are you when they revile and persecute you? And say all kinds of evil against you falsely, okay? So they say evil things against you falsely, right? You’re supposed to what? Rejoice and be exceedingly glad. For great is your reward in heaven, right? Why? Because the they persecute the prophets before. And just like that. So whenever someone criticizes you, or speaks evil against you, and it’s wrong, it’s just because maybe they don’t like your Christian. And they speak against you for that the Bible says, Rejoice. Yes, because now you know what it feels like, you know what Jesus felt like? You know, what the prophets felt like, right? You know, all those great people of God that you read about in the Old Testament, testament, now you know what it feels like,

27:57
right? And I was gonna say, Galatians, six, verse one. Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you live by the Spirit, if you live by the Spirit, you should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. So yeah, criticism, we’re taught how to deal with it. But it’s also true that sometimes we’re tempted to be critical. So we need to have that mercy on people when they’re coming after us. And for whatever reason that it might be, if there’s an opportunity to try to restore that person, that we really, really need to remember that our goal is to get as many people possible to heaven, and even a critic, and even your enemy, you need to work toward that.

28:47
Yes, that’s right. So James talks about that, too. If anyone can bridle his tongue, you know, that’s one of the most difficult things to do, right. I mean, the Bible talks about how the tongue can set a whole force to blame. Yeah, and as Christians, we need to be careful. The way we handle our tongue. We’ve all messed up. Right. But that the end of the day, if we know that we’ve handled it in the right way and in love and patients with a good conscious to God, that we’re doing the right thing in then we can sleep peacefully at night, right? Even when the world’s coming against you. Hey, at least I know I’m doing the right thing.

29:24
Yeah. Well, James five are snide, do not grumble against one another brothers. So Christians, don’t grumble against one another, so that you may not be judged. And listen to this next part of the verse. That’s James five, nine, Behold, the judge is standing at the door. So basically, be careful how you know you’re good, but be careful how you speak. Be careful. What you’re going to talk speak to other Christians about because the judge is standing right there at the door. And I mean, man, if you’re sitting here talking bad about someone and Jesus standing right there with a camera, oh my, you need to cut that out, you know what I mean?

30:10
Do and you know Timothy is him advice dealing with certain situations in Second Timothy chapter two, verses 23 through 26 don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know, they produce quarrels, and the Lord servant must not be quarrelsome, and must be kind to everyone able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed in the hope that God will grant him repentance, leading them to the knowledge of the truth, in that they will come to their senses and escape from the crap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do His will. So the key is here at the end of the stare, you know who Satan Yeah, he’s the one who wants us to be critical of other people, right? Is Satan First Peter Five, Verse eight, the devil be sober be village’s the devil, right? I was basically walking around, which means he’s got this whole perimeter, he circling like a shark, and he’s just waiting to attack.

31:13
Right? I like it when you break it down. So basically, it says, Be sober, and be vigilant because the devil your enemy, like the devil walks around you in circles. Yeah, it’s like a lion seeking whom he may devour. And I mean, I’m thinking about connecting the lion and the circling back to remembering back to Genesis four, when Cain and Abel and King sinned, and he says, basically, why has your countenance fallen? What’s wrong? Like? If you do well, you want to be accepted? But if you don’t, what’s crouching at the door? Well, it’s sad. Yeah. Right. So think about the lion on the other side of the door, waiting to get to you at the zoo, when you got to say, and then there’s this lion, and like a six foot glass. And I’m like, Huh, I’m really glad that glass is there, right? Absolutely. That’s the devil. And the devil is the one behind all of this waiting for us to be critical of others, waiting on us to basically be burdened down by unjust criticism

32:20
yet reminds me at first Peter four of our site, above all things love each other deeply. Because love covers a multitude of sins, right? In that situation where Satan is really trying to get you into whatever situation he wants. We have to choose love. Right? That I mean, ultimately, we’re in the right, God wins in, but Satan just, he just wants to ruin it for all

32:46
of us. Right? Absolutely. Hey, guys, thanks so much for listening to our podcast today. In fact, I’m going to thank everyone for joining us. And I hope this message really spoke to you guys. And we’d love to hear from you. Please write a review, subscribe or share this podcast through Apple podcast, Google podcast, or go to the Christian point.com. Thank you so much for listening to the Christian point was Zack and Linda, and let us know your thoughts by leaving a review. And be sure to subscribe and share these episodes. We would love for you to check out our website, the Christian point.com You can make a donation help us spread this message all throughout the world. And we encourage you to leave your testimony and give us a review. And we would love to pray for you as well. God’s blessing and peace be with you this next week. And remember, until next time, price is the point.

33:38
Thanks for listening to the Christian point. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and connect with us on Instagram, Facebook, or visit us on the web at the Christian point.com. If you enjoyed the show, please share it with your friends on social media. Until next time, always remember Christ is the point

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