Transcript

TCP Episode 019

Thursday, March 23rd, 2023 

SPEAKERS

Linda McConnell and  Zack McConnell

_Speaker 0:00
Hey guys, welcome to the Christian point with Zach and Linda. And today we’re gonna be talking about being thankful for our spouse. I mean, can you relate? So Zach is a seasoned married couple of 37 years, we sometimes have to work at being thankful for each other.

_Speaker 0:16
And it’s 37 short years. Right, exactly.

_Speaker 0:19
And there are some things that come up in our marriage where I’m not exactly counting my marriage blessings, unfortunately, and sometimes my head can get so bogged down with the stresses of the day, and I forget to pause and count my blessings instead. So what did we do? And in those scenarios, well, that’s really the topic for today. And we want to discuss some steps to take when you need to be more thankful for your spouse, and marriage is a huge blessing. And I’m here with my husband, Zack McConnell, and we’re here in Texas, and it really looks sunny outside, but gosh, it’s really not, it’s really cold out there. And my walk has been really rerouted due to heavy rains. And we’ve had all this mad covering up the road. So it’s really, really wet. And there’s a lot of standing water around. But guess what, I have some flowers starting to bloom. So stay with us, as we’ll have this discussion on being thankful for our spouse on the Christian point.

Intro 1:18
Welcome to the Christian point podcast, where we’re all about growing your relationship with God. As lifelong Christian believers, your hosts Zack and Linda McConnell explore topics that affect your world. Together, they are relearning and redirecting our path as we walk through struggles hangups, sins and purpose. The Christian point is a lively discussion that will help equip you with tools provide focus and encouragement from a biblical perspective. Always remember, Christ is the point. Now here are your hosts, Zack and Belinda.

_Speaker 1:53
Today, our discussion is about Christian marriage and family life. We want to talk about being thankful in your marriage, for your marriage. And you know, this is being thankful to the person that you’re spending your life with. So let’s be people who love one another, and share and say it and say thanks a lot. Being thankful and appreciative can be very helpful in the marriage. Absolutely. It

_Speaker 2:19
is so helpful. And I think God wants us to be thankful for people in all circumstances, and in every category of life. And so kind of talking, taking the will of God. And what’s what are you supposed to be thankful for? While you’re supposed to be thankful in all circumstances, and you can take a look at First Thessalonians, 518 and 19. And applying that to this relationship here in marriage. So included in all circumstances is your marriage? Oh, yeah, that’s right.

_Speaker 2:49
And that’s a big part of everything. It probably affects most everybody, and everything about your schedule, your time, your decisions. This is very important stuff. Right? Right. After all, this is your marriage we’re talking about. So your spouse is so central in your life. And this should be the one thing we definitely work on all the time, right, being thankful and saying words that are kind and showing appreciation. You know, for many people, words are a big problem, Linda, and you know, I’ve run into that as myself. And we read passages like in the New Testament, such as First Thessalonians five. And this is one of the places talking about giving thanks, rejoicing, rejecting what is evil and Ephesians. Five, that’s that’s another place where the New Testament just says, Hey, Christians, you know what, one of the things that ought to describe you is thankfulness. And being thankful to God in all things in all circumstances, and here’s the big one all of the time, right? You know, it’s a big problem for Christian husbands or wives not to be thankful in their marriage, you know, even if your marriage is difficult. And you know, many people consider their marriages to be difficult, you know, it can be tough. And marriage can be a difficult thing. So it’s not necessarily a prerequisite that you have to have a fantastic marriage in order to be faithful. No, not at all. You need to be thankful as a Christian. And that includes your relationship with your spouse.

_Speaker 4:23
Yeah, difficult times good times, everything in between times. We’re supposed to be as believers, people that can say thank you to God, and see the blessings and see the benefits and see all the positive effects, even in this marriage relationship, even if not every single thing is going the way we want it to go. And we can still say thank you, God for this marriage relationship and knowing it’s really a gift from God.

_Speaker 4:51
Yeah, that’s right. And I think the reason we came up with his topic for today, Linda, is one of the big reasons is well, last week I was swamped. I missed you and the family. I miss you guys. And I hope you guys all miss me, you know. So lately we were missing you love it. And I was away at reading. So we’re just reminded are fresh of all the different ways that we’re thankful for each other, and all the different things we do the things you do to serve me and I do to serve you in all the great aspects of our relationship. Yeah, and I was just kind of missing out for a week.

_Speaker 5:26
Absolutely. And I was kind of like, oh, man, this is not as good. You know, when you’re gone. And it’s just puts everything in my perspective that, gosh, it’s just not good. It’s not as good in the morning. And I’m up by myself. And I’m doing everything on my own no one to share coffee with I mean, it’s, it’s even just the simple things. But sometimes we’re not even taking a bunch in in the morning, we’re not talking that much. And but it’s just your presence there was missing. And the same thing at the end of the night, like going to bed, you’re off at meetings, and I know you’re gone, and you’re absent. And it makes me think, Oh, I really enjoys that being here. And by then there’s, there’s way more than that, right? And there’s missed conversations, no one to help with the cooking, or the absence of laughter or joy, or just missing that friendship. And I mean, there’s just a ton of things that I missed by having you not in the house. Yeah,

_Speaker 6:25
I understand that. And me too. And I was reminded of all things that you do to serve our family, Linda, and help our kids and the constant stuff you do, and the kind of stuff that you do for our family that just goes unmentioned. So here’s the deal, I was away it several church building media sets, I’m kind of hitting up this large project for our church to build an on site daycare, in our church building. And so I’m sitting around talking with the staff, the architects, a project manager, and I hear a lot of opinions. You know, everybody’s dreams, everybody’s ideas, what each person wants. And then I stick at one point to make a fault phone call to check on you, and are a member standing outside. And I call it I’m like, Hey, how’s it going? Let’s see what you’re up to. And you know, I’m in the current church construction building rolled in my head. And you’re like, Well, right now I’m doing the laundry. I’m going to vacuum next. And my focus was me, stressed on what everybody else was bringing up in the meetings. And that was my focus. And then here you are, you’re in a totally different world. You’re just handling stuff. You’re just putting out fires, yes, dealing with problems making it happen. And just being an amazing mom and wife, and Mimi, for our granddaughters. Oh, thanks. You know, well, thank you. And so I was reminded of all that stuff you were doing, and I had not called at that time, I wouldn’t have even realized that your plate was full. And you were busy. You know, I was looking forward to having fresh sheets on the bed tonight. And the trash out and yummy dinner to eat when I get home.

_Speaker 8:05
Yeah, and there’s all kinds of stuff that we don’t think about, at least for me, I can so easily think about what I need to do today, what my goals are for the day, even within our family and our marriage, and our church serving and all that. And sometimes I forget that you have a gigantic list as well at your job. And you have lots of things that people are counting on you for and a lot of items that you’re trying to accomplish. And you have been so swamped lately, and you just feel the stresses from church and from business and from family. And I was just reminded about how much you do, how hard you work for the family and how much you do for other people. And I’m super thankful for the way you go about serving the Lord, and with your talents. And he’s given you all these opportunities and your church and in your job and with your friendships with your children and with me. And I mean, it’s just like we have so many items. I have to stop, get my eyes off of myself and think about you. And I can really be thankful and think through the tons and tons of things you do that go totally unnoticed. And for me and for our family that makes me think about that, too. So one of our grants got hurt falling off of a wood beam on the ground when we were out camping. Oh, it could have been so much worse. She was totally fine. Totally fine, but you know, is there hurt and crying and and when the kids get hurt, you know? How do we move through this? How do you feel? Show me where it hurts? Give me a hug. And the grand gets a sweet hug. Oh look, there’s no blood. You’re all good. And I’m thinking you know, Dad totally gets it. She feels that protection and that love from you. And when you’re tender with her I mean it goes so much with our kids and our grandkids and that is really sweet. And it is such a blessing to all of us. Yeah,

_Speaker 9:55
Kevin. Remember our Gran was sniffing he was crying a bit So, you know, I jumped into the grandad boat, actually my granddaughter’s call me Poppy. So I guess it was the poppy mode. And I was asking questions if she can wiggle her hand, you know, if her legs to work, stuff like that, you know, stuff that didn’t make her lap. And you know, give a little kiss on the booboos. And tell her I’m proud of how quickly she’s recovered and getting back and having fun.

_Speaker 10:21
Absolutely. And really, it was very quickly, she was like, Oh, I’m fine. Now, I want to get out there again. And I’m thinking, You know what, I am so glad she has a puppy around, who does that sort of stuff with her. And that is such a blessing.

_Speaker 10:34
You know, if this is kind of sounding a little bit like a rah rah SEC session, that we’re giving each other and patting each other on the back? Well, exactly. That’s the whole point, guys. You’ve got to be the cheering crowd. You’ve got to be the person in the grandstands cheering on your spouse telling them how great they are, you know, so I guess our experiences over this last week have reminded both of us separately and independent of one another, just how thankful we are for each other? Absolutely. You know, and sometimes it takes moments away getting away, sometimes it takes to be an absent or having your spouse be absent, in order to really see or feel the perception of how thankful you are for them. Right? Right. But it doesn’t have to be the case that there’s a week long break where someone’s gone out of town, or it could be in order for you to cultivate some feelings of gratitude. Right? Right. You know, because as Christians, like we said, at the beginning, you have a responsibility, I have a responsibility to be thankful. And we have to direct that gratitude toward our spouse. And so this is a helpful reminder for us to talk about this, to think about this, and to remind all of our listeners to express not only to be thankful to your spouse, but also to express that gratitude towards your spouse. And so I think there’s really two ways, takeaways from this episode number one, if you’re not, you ought to be thankful. So develop a genuine depth of gratitude for your spouse, right? Right. Find things that you’re thankful for, and develop that gratitude. Number two, secondly, I want to say talk about expressing that gratitude. But there’s something you want to say about developing it, I think, Linda,

_Speaker 12:19
right, I think pray throughout the day for your spouse is really important. And I’ve been praying for you, and coming to God on your behalf, thanking God, your spouse, and having those conversations ongoing with God. And when you keep that focus in your prayers, that that way, they can’t be tempted, and focus on yourself. And you say, Hey, God, I’m praying for my husband, would you really work on his heart for this thing, or you need to change him. And I think you can develop a whole gratitude to the heart, by coming to God and saying, Thank you, thank you, Lord, for my spouse. And thank you for these things that you’ve done in my life. And thank you for the ways that you’ve grown him and really focus on that thanks, rather than focusing on all the things that you need to or you want changed in him. And thank him for how he’s working in this area or that area, and where he’s showing up with him at church. And I think if we continue to just not neglect thanking God for our spouse, then we can go to him on behalf of our spouse, and that’s going to help us even develop that heart of gratitude. Even more.

_Speaker 13:22
Yeah, yeah, you know, I think the only thing I would add is, you know, crack open your Bible, look at a couple of passage in this will really help you. I mean, look in your Bible. Let’s look at Ephesians 520. It says, I mean, read this during your devotion, time, tomorrow morning, give thanks always, and for everything to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. So let’s direct our gratitude to God for always and everything. And I think if some of you are going to carry this into your relationship with your spouse, thank you to be thankful for them in even showing thankfulness to them. So another passage I mentioned earlier, is First Thessalonians 518. So read that one as well. So just let’s spend a few minutes talking about the importance of expressing thankfulness. How do you express thankfulness? What does that look like? Why, and why is it hard for so Linda?

_Speaker 14:14
Well, you know, I think some people are just that glass half empty person. And that’s not really good. I’m just saying sometimes people can kind of be that person and say, Well, I just view everything half bad. And I just see the problems and I see the issues and I’m just a really critical person. And I don’t think we can use personality as an excuse or what we lean toward, because encouragement and prize and thankful words go so long and so far in our marriage, and it’s so helpful. And just think about that today. Zack, like you have already said three or four things that you know I’m a good wife, I’m amazing person.

_Speaker 14:57
I’m a great is an amazing person. Thank

_Speaker 14:59
you Have a great navy. And you know what, that just you stating those things out of the blue and weren’t prompted for them. And you’re looking at me. And that encouraged me that helped me to move forward. And those positive words really do bolster me up to do the next thing. And just keep going and keep serving and keeping it all happening. And that’s going to do go so much farther than any kind of criticism or say, Well, I don’t think you did this one thing, right? Or I wish you could have done that better. Or next time. Why don’t you try this? I mean, nitpicking my life, which I’m sure you could point out multiple things that I could do better. Instead, you’re really focused on encouraging me and pushing me in the right direction. And thanking me for those things. And that is huge.

_Speaker 15:49
Yeah, do I think it’s just a simple and straightforward thing? I mean, it’s not rocket science here, guys. Here’s the solution. It’s just simply verbalizing things. Just state things that are true about your spouse, state things that are encouraging, express thankfulness. So I said, What’s the importance of expressing thankfulness? How do we do that? And so far, we’ve said, Just pretty straight forward elements of this. Just get out of your regular pattern. start expressing thankful words to your spouse, spouse, start by saying encouraging things to your spouse, then you should say something nice today, send a text right now guys send a text, okay? Just Just before we did this podcast, I’m over on my phone, and I’m clicking away. My wife could tell I was texting, she said, who you’re texting. I said, Hey, I’ll just mute it. Hang on. Now finish up my text, and I hit send. And then right after that, I get a little chuckle from the other side

_Speaker 16:46
of the room. He was texting me with a compliment. It was so cute.

_Speaker 16:50
Yes, I did. So just send that text. You know, we’re they’re not expecting it. Do something. unprompted, unprovoked for your spouse, just take a little effort to show love and encouragement and bless them and express thankfulness verbally to them.

_Speaker 17:09
Right? Absolutely. Well, you know, it makes me think back to the dating days, right. And I mean, for like, most people, when you hear about the dating days, those first months, or that first year, whatever, the other person could do no wrong. And you loved everything about them. You know, it was the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they dressed, the way they smelled. I mean, every interaction was like angels were singing behind you that because everything you did was magical. And still

_Speaker 17:36
still Yes, it is. It is Oh, that makes me feel some smiling.

_Speaker 17:39
Yeah. But as time goes on, we sometimes lose some of that, and our words change. And we start talking, taking that relationship for granted. And our feelings have changed a bit. But what we really need is think back to those days, and all of those things you saw in your spouse or your future spouse at the time and, and make sure you’re verbalizing some of those things that you love about them and say it out loud. And it really might feel weird at first if you’re not used to that. And if that’s not common in your marriage, but you’re going to be thinking about the positive elements, and you’re going to be encouraging your spouse. And when you bring up those positive elements. So it’s like a double whammy, you get the benefit and the Boombah bow.

_Speaker 18:23
I think that’s really good. And maybe one thing I would add is to be aware of sarcasm, you have to watch that, because sarcasm is one of those things you just got to you’ve got to choke out of gratitude. And yes, you know, you might start off with just the intention of saying something is a joke, saying something to be funny. But here’s the deal. Oftentimes, the reason sarcasm hurts because there’s a little layer of truth to it. And if you’re just trying to be funny, with something negative, it is not a good thing.

_Speaker 18:55
Yeah, when you’re on that receiving and you’re it’s like, I know, it’s a way to express dissatisfaction or not thankfulness without really stating it. And it’s not, I’m not thankful for you, I’m just kind of laughing kind of like and Oh, brah that was just a joke. And then the person receiving the sarcastic comment is sitting there often. And when they receive that you’re like, way, are they paid serious? Do they really think that? Well, is that true? And now my mind is all focused on the one little negative Zinger in there. And that really is a rough reaction, and it really gets away and I really think that’s an awesome point you made Zach.

_Speaker 19:40
Yeah, you know, I think we’re also thinking of being intentional with your first words, whether it’s the first word in the morning, or the first word at the end of a day or have a workday or when you’re going to bed. It’s those intentional times. Good words need to be used, as opposed to negative complaining and bad Herb’s

_Speaker 20:00
right. And let me just say this for a second, okay, we’ve really got to be careful wives. Because for me, it’s really a temptation. And when Zach walks into the door, it’s like my shoulders have been, you know, all up in the air, I’m on the edge, or whatever it is like, relax, Oh, thank God, he’s home. And it’s like, I’ve got somebody else fighting in my corner with my family. Now, you know, and you can take an hour. And all of a sudden, like, Oh, I’ve got this to myself. So now I can give them a list of all the things that have gone wrong, are all the things that I had to do that were negative. And like, almost, I want him to know. And I wanted to know how hard I work today. And by the way, I want to feel a little bit of that pain, and I want you to feel that steam with me. And, you know, you really have to stop and do this 30 minute discipline session, where you don’t go into all of those negatives, and get into all of these issues. And I’ve really done that poorly in my area, before in our marriage. And I know that’s not what you want to hear when you come in the door. And I know that’s not what you want to hear first. And that really sets the tone for our evening, after you’ve worked a long, hard day of work, where you probably could list off multiple tough things you had to walk through. And we’re just setting off on the wrong foot. So let’s have the first words be joyful words. Happy words, thankful words. So glad you’re home. And guys, I gotta stop and work on that. And how everything is going and not turn to my day was horrible. It was so tough. Let me just tell you let me bet everything on you.

_Speaker 21:44
Yeah. So you know, I think those first words, at the end of a workday, there’s an opportunity guys to be strategic here, this opportunity to express intentionally, you need to express thankfulness. And I think the same can be said in the morning as well. The first words of the morning, what’s the first thing you say to your spouse? Do you have an opportunity when we have breakfast, the first thing you eat in the morning is breaking the fast? Well, there’s been a conversation fast. That’s happened all overnight as well. And so the first thing you did here, what’s the first thing you can say to your spouse in the morning to break the conversation fast? And how can it be positive? So can you pause just before you open your mouth? Be careful and strategic, and intentional? To say something is nice and encouraging and positive? Yes. Don’t be that kid who’s been in the habit of coming down the stairs and immediately spew rotten words, wrong side of the bed, just a bad attitude, complaining, whining everything. And we’re like, Alright, go back upstairs. Let’s try this again. And do that until we’re able to articulate something positive, right? So we’re not complaining, expect and show tremendous progress when you do these things. So we’re seeing growth in using the opportunities to pause and be careful about the first thing you say,

_Speaker 23:11
Yeah, and it really does set the tone. And I just think about proverbs 1624. And I’ve got to say it, okay, gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. So Zack, we need those gracious words in our marriage. And it’s like the honey cow. It’s so good. Exactly. Who doesn’t like honey? Absolutely. Everybody loves Honey, don’t they? Yes. Well, thanks so much for joining us and chatting with us until the next time. And I hope this message spoke to you guys. We’d love to hear from you. And if you benefited from this, please write us a review, Subscribe Share, Like this podcast to Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, or you can go to the Christian point.com. And we really appreciate you listening to the Christian point was ACA, Linda, and let us know your thoughts by leaving us a review. And be sure to subscribe and share these episodes. That’s how this ministry is growing. And we’d love for you to check out our website, Christian family,

_Speaker 24:08
Christian point.com And subscribe or give us a lot.

_Speaker 24:12
Absolutely you can even make a donation there. And that’ll help us spread the message even farther. We encourage you to leave a testimony. We would love to pray over you. Yes and God’s blessings and peace be with you. And remember until next time, Christ is the point.

Intro 24:28
Thanks for listening to the Christian point. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and connect with us on Instagram, Facebook, or visit us on the web at the Christian point.com. If you enjoyed the show, please share it with your friends on social media. Until next time, always remember Christ is the point

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